Monday, December 19, 2005

ah beng future card joke

Someone try to cheer me up with this joke, thanks hor!

The multi-purpose Future Card will be the version of our perpetually metamorphosing IC in the near future. With an embedded smart chip, it can also be used as a passport, store our medical history, driver's license, act as an ATM card, serve as an electronic purse and even be used at the National Library... what ever you do with the card... you will be tracked!

It may also be a tracking device via GPRS (Good or Bad, depending on the situation). However, a recent debate has brought to light the questionable control on access, potential information abuse and privacy infringement. As the debate rages on, I can foresee a likely scenario when ordering pizzas in the near future...

"Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your… "
"Haloh! Pisar Hut-ah? Can I order-ah? "
"Can I have your Future Card number, sir? "
"It’s arh… hold on prease… arh… it’s 690230-88-5551."
"Thank you, Mr. Tan Ah Beng @ Or Kwee Tau. You’re calling from 17-D Lorong Cempedak, Gasing. Your home number is 6788988, your office number is 6788788 and your mobile is 021-6788688. Which number are you calling from? "
"Home-lah, wah, where you get all my phone numbers-ah?"
"We are connected to the Future Card system, sir.
"OK-lah, OK-lah, can I order your seafood pisar? "
"That’s not a good idea, sir. "
"Why cannot-ah? "
"According to your latest medical records, you have high blood pressure and high cholestrol level, sir."
"What? Wah-lau-eh… medical records also you know. So what you lecomend?"
"Try our low fat Hokkien mee pizza, I’m sure you’ll like it, sir."
"Wah, how you know I like Hokkien mee-ah?"
"You borrowed a book titled ‘Popular Hokkien Dishes’ from the National Library last week, sir."
"OK, OK, beh-ta-han. Give me three family size pisar. How much-ah?"
"That should be enough for your family of 10. The total is SGD45. How would you like to pay?
I pay by Future Card, can or not?"
"I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, sir."
"Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank RM6,720.55 since October last year, sir."
"Ka-nee-nah… everything also know, chia-lat!"
"That’s not including the late charges of your housing loan, sir."
"OK-lah, I run to ATM to take cash before you come to my house-loh."
"You can’t sir, based on the records, you’ve reached the daily limit on machine withdrawal today."
"The latest withdrawal is SGD250 for 4d and Toto at 4:56pm, sir."
"Never mind, just send the pisar. I borrow money from my Ah Mah. How long-ah?"
"45 minutes, sir. But if you can’t wait you can collect it with your motorcycle. You are only 5 minutes away."
"Where got transport?"
"According to your Future Card, you own a Honda scooter, registration number FE 3288…"
"Better watch your language, sir."
"Why should I?"
"Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman…"


"Is there anything else, sir?"
"Nothing. By the way, still got stock on the 3 bottles of free cola as advertised?"
"We normally would, sir. But based on the records, you are also diabetic…"
"I’m going to the hawker centre to tah-pao. Pisar no stock."

Somehow, not very funny but very funny leh!

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