Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I have had two out of my four terrible two periods already. Nothing beats having 3 warm hugs when you return from work, except maybe having 4 kisses.

Every time when I was in that moment, I recall my first time, second time. I analyze character of Raynor, William, and now Ruth. It is always about how they want you to look at them.

This evening she threw a tremor again. I realize every time when she tries to express herself, she will look at, not Mummy, but me intensively. At this moment I understand the hidden language behind her action.

Am I behaving myself or not? Papa.

When we decided to stop breast feeding her, that part must have contributed to some degree of her awareness. Wife notices that her seek for attention has escalated. She, I dare say, feel that someone is coming to share her love.

I felt that I am not giving her enough, everyday now.

I am a desperate and exhausted Father, wishing Heaven can somehow fill my depleted passion again so I can give again.

I shall try again tonight

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